Congress didn't pass an energy/climate bill. Not even a wishy-washy Republican half-assed version of anything. We did get health care "reform," but it was basically a mid-1990's Republican version of health care reform, and it still supports greedy private insurance companies. Our long-awaited Democratic president who ran under the auspices of change is now considering off-shore drilling, and when he mentions green energy often speaks of nuclear energy, "clean" coal technology (oxymoron!), and other green-washed forms of energy. We have a Democratic president AND Democratic majority in congress, yet they don't seem to be able to affect much of that change we heard so much about. More and more democrats are becoming fence riding moderates, while the voices of right-wing nut jobs get louder and louder. I could go on for some time.
Let this be a lesson to my liberal and progressive-minded friends. What have we learned from the last year and a half?
1. Being Black doesn't make someone liberal any more than being a woman makes someone a feminist. (Meaning: Obama is about as moderate a president as we could get. He's no more liberal than Sarah Palin is a feminist.) Our Republican brothers and sisters really need to realize this, because every time they call him a socialist and compare him to historical socialist figures they make themselves look like the ignorant racist hillbillies they are.
2. People on the left need to forget about voting for who they think can get elected and start supporting candidates who have a strong record of making real social change. I hope Dennis runs again next time around. Or Al. I love Al. We also need to pay attention to our state and local officials and elect real movers and shakers.
3. Lefties need to get off their asses and start being seen and heard just as loudly as the *choke* *gag* *hurl* Tea Baggers and the like (only more intelligently and peacefully). If all they were doing was signing online petitions we'd hardly notice them. Get me?
4. We need to BE THE CHANGE. Our elected officials have proven that trickle-down government change is not going to happen. We can hope, we can vote, we can and should speak our minds. But ultimately our lives have to reflect our values. Care about women's reproductive rights? Volunteer at and/or financially support your local Planned Parenthood, independent midwives and local women's centers. Care about the environment? Stop eating animals, grow your own food, reduce~reuse~recycle (in that order!), carpool, ride your bike, etc. You get the picture. And hey, if you're really into politics, run for local office!
Sunday, July 25, 2010
Monday, May 10, 2010
Why I Dislike Mother's Day
There are lots of good reasons not to like Mother's Day. Some of them may be found here. The latest issue of Bitch Magazine also has a great article about it. Here are my reasons...
I am not a mother. I am not a mother by choice. Many women do not have children because they were not able to have children. It's simply uncomfortable to have this day that makes motherhood out to be the noblest and best thing a woman can ever do. I actually had someone wish me a happy Mother's Day this year, perhaps assuming from my age that of course I am a mother. How could I not be? Who would choose not to have children? Mother's Day reinforces the idea that to be a woman one must bear a child, and there must be something wrong with us if we don't.
I don't have a good mother. I have a mother who neglected and abandoned her children. One who allowed her husband to verbally abuse her children, and who herself verbally abused her children. Mother's Day thanks mothers for all the cooking, cleaning, and caring they do for their children throughout the years. My mother laid on the couch reading Harlequin novels while she made her children clean. I was cooking for my family before I was 10. I was rarely cared for by my mother. I remember trying to find my mother a card on several occasions throughout the years, and feeling like all these cards were rubbing my less-than-pleasant childhood in my face. To give my mother any of those cards would have been a lie. I would either leave empty handed, or with some humorous card that masked the truth of the matter, that I had nothing to celebrate or honor.
There's nothing inherently noble or saintly about squeezing out a kid. In fact, most female mammals have the ability, and most of those who can do it, do it. Many people do it because it's what they think they're supposed to do, it's what's expected of them. Maybe they are trying to fill a void in their life or save a troubled marriage. Some do it to keep up with their friends or family members. Some women actually do it because they like the attention they get while pregnant.
Choosing to bring a life into this world is a responsibility and privilege that too many people think of as a right, and too many others don't think much about at all. It requires real sacrifice and hard work, and you must be willing to put that life ahead of your own. It also means choosing to forgo many other possibilities for your life, some that might bring you more happiness and some that might make the world a better place.
And let's not forget that just because a woman CAN have a child, doesn't mean she SHOULD. It is not the defining quality of womanhood. I am a creative, intelligent, passionate woman who has a world of choices in front of me. Choosing to own a business, to be an activist or any other choice I make in lieu of procreating are just as valid, and perhaps moreso, depending on my situation in life and what I have to offer the world.
Children need to be loved, cared for, educated, and mentored. Anyone who does these things well should be honored and celebrated, but not because Hallmark says so. Just because you gave birth doesn't mean you have done any of these things, and you do not have to be a biological mother to nurture and love a child.
I am not a mother. I am not a mother by choice. Many women do not have children because they were not able to have children. It's simply uncomfortable to have this day that makes motherhood out to be the noblest and best thing a woman can ever do. I actually had someone wish me a happy Mother's Day this year, perhaps assuming from my age that of course I am a mother. How could I not be? Who would choose not to have children? Mother's Day reinforces the idea that to be a woman one must bear a child, and there must be something wrong with us if we don't.
I don't have a good mother. I have a mother who neglected and abandoned her children. One who allowed her husband to verbally abuse her children, and who herself verbally abused her children. Mother's Day thanks mothers for all the cooking, cleaning, and caring they do for their children throughout the years. My mother laid on the couch reading Harlequin novels while she made her children clean. I was cooking for my family before I was 10. I was rarely cared for by my mother. I remember trying to find my mother a card on several occasions throughout the years, and feeling like all these cards were rubbing my less-than-pleasant childhood in my face. To give my mother any of those cards would have been a lie. I would either leave empty handed, or with some humorous card that masked the truth of the matter, that I had nothing to celebrate or honor.
There's nothing inherently noble or saintly about squeezing out a kid. In fact, most female mammals have the ability, and most of those who can do it, do it. Many people do it because it's what they think they're supposed to do, it's what's expected of them. Maybe they are trying to fill a void in their life or save a troubled marriage. Some do it to keep up with their friends or family members. Some women actually do it because they like the attention they get while pregnant.
Choosing to bring a life into this world is a responsibility and privilege that too many people think of as a right, and too many others don't think much about at all. It requires real sacrifice and hard work, and you must be willing to put that life ahead of your own. It also means choosing to forgo many other possibilities for your life, some that might bring you more happiness and some that might make the world a better place.
And let's not forget that just because a woman CAN have a child, doesn't mean she SHOULD. It is not the defining quality of womanhood. I am a creative, intelligent, passionate woman who has a world of choices in front of me. Choosing to own a business, to be an activist or any other choice I make in lieu of procreating are just as valid, and perhaps moreso, depending on my situation in life and what I have to offer the world.
Children need to be loved, cared for, educated, and mentored. Anyone who does these things well should be honored and celebrated, but not because Hallmark says so. Just because you gave birth doesn't mean you have done any of these things, and you do not have to be a biological mother to nurture and love a child.
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
My Tea Party Douchebaggers Rant
I've seriously had about all I can take of the Tea Party Douchebaggers. They are the most ignorant and dangerous group of morons I think I've ever seen. Their blatant racism, general lack of any knowledge about anything they're talking about and overall stupidity are astounding. I have a few things I would like to point out and questions I'd like to ask...
1. How is it possible that these idiots can show up to peaceful discussions with loaded weapons, threaten to kill people, spout racial slurs, etc. and NOTHING happens to them for it? All of this, when I know peace-loving liberals who have been thrown into jail for making puppets. Yes, making puppets for a parade. Similar peaceful liberal/progressive types have had their homes raided and been arrested for having gray-water next to their toilets. Gray water, as in dishwater being reused to flush the toilet. Puppets and dishwater are grounds for arrest, but threatening people with violence and spouting racial hatred is okay? WTF country is this?!
2. The health care reform that passed was pretty much Republican health care reform. As in lame-ass, take away women's rights, support large corporations health care "reform." In fact, what passed is strikingly similar to the 1993 Republican Health Reform Plan. These morons who don't bother to educate themselves and simply enjoy yelling "fire!" in a crowded building are basically bitching about something their own party sponsored a decade and a half ago.
3. The current Tea Party movement has NOTHING to do with the Boston Tea Party. The Boston Tea Party was a reaction to being taxed by a government with officials they didn't get to elect and an ocean away. The current Tea Party movement (whose members I like to refer to as "douchebaggers") are protesting the government of their own country that was elected democratically by the people of this country, a government that's trying to put taxpayer dollars to work for the taxpayers.
Basically, they're just a bunch of childish, violent, racist sore losers.
WHY ISN'T SOMETHING BEING DONE ABOUT THESE CRAZY PEOPLE??
End rant.
1. How is it possible that these idiots can show up to peaceful discussions with loaded weapons, threaten to kill people, spout racial slurs, etc. and NOTHING happens to them for it? All of this, when I know peace-loving liberals who have been thrown into jail for making puppets. Yes, making puppets for a parade. Similar peaceful liberal/progressive types have had their homes raided and been arrested for having gray-water next to their toilets. Gray water, as in dishwater being reused to flush the toilet. Puppets and dishwater are grounds for arrest, but threatening people with violence and spouting racial hatred is okay? WTF country is this?!
2. The health care reform that passed was pretty much Republican health care reform. As in lame-ass, take away women's rights, support large corporations health care "reform." In fact, what passed is strikingly similar to the 1993 Republican Health Reform Plan. These morons who don't bother to educate themselves and simply enjoy yelling "fire!" in a crowded building are basically bitching about something their own party sponsored a decade and a half ago.
3. The current Tea Party movement has NOTHING to do with the Boston Tea Party. The Boston Tea Party was a reaction to being taxed by a government with officials they didn't get to elect and an ocean away. The current Tea Party movement (whose members I like to refer to as "douchebaggers") are protesting the government of their own country that was elected democratically by the people of this country, a government that's trying to put taxpayer dollars to work for the taxpayers.
Basically, they're just a bunch of childish, violent, racist sore losers.
WHY ISN'T SOMETHING BEING DONE ABOUT THESE CRAZY PEOPLE??
End rant.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Adventures in Bleeding: My Bloody Valentine
I'm obsessed with my blood. I'm not sure exactly what brought this about at this particular time. A few weeks ago, I was doing my weekly shopping at a local health food store, and as I passed the little section devoted to reusable menstrual products I had a sudden urge to stop flushing and trashing and start washing and reusing. I dropped a hefty wad of cashola for 3 GladRags pantyliners, 3 day pads, and a Moon Cup.
But let's back up: Several years ago I read Cunt and was mesmerized by just about everything in it, and was specifically affected by the chapter entitled Blood and Cunts. I took to heart the idea of getting my body and my cycle in sync with the moon, and I'm happy to report that I now bleed with the new moon, like clockwork. Other gems were tucked away in the back of mind. Many months these thoughts would pop up, I'd ponder them for a few moments, and tuck them back away, because this month certainly can't be the month... maybe in a few months I'll have the time...
For years now I've been using Instead softcups. They're technically disposable, claiming you need to pitch it and start clean every time you take it out. But I knew there were other cups out there that could be used over and over again, so I split the diff. I would use one cup for one period, washing it thoroughly with soap and water before using again, and when my period was over I'd throw it away. I'd used it for years and was pretty satisfied. I had gotten to know it so well that I figured out little tricks like bearing down on the john so it would dump itself without needing to be removed. Pretty cool, huh? I was still, however, using disposable pantyliners, as these cups are prone to leakage, (if bearing down can dump it, sneezing and coughing understandably pose a problem at times) and a pad or two at the beginning and end of my period. Not a lot of waste, but too much for my taste. I had gotten so comfortable using the softcups that I figured it was time to bite the bullet and get the kind that I could use for a decade or longer.
Enter the Moon Cup. Having a latex allergy, the Moon Cup was the logical choice as it's made of medical grade silicone. It's otherwise identical to the Keeper, a cup I've known friends of mine to use and love. Its shape is obviously different than the type of cup I was accustomed to using, but I figured I'd get the hang of it. Uh... no. It was much more difficult to insert than I thought it would be. Lots of people say it's tricky the first few months, but that you eventually get the hang of it. Okay, I can deal. It took a couple of cycles for me to get the hang of the softcups, too. But the real problem came for me upon removable. As difficult as it was to get in, it was twice as hard to take out. If your vag is of the tight-n-tiny variety, beware! The cups twist and bend and fold to go in, but coming out is another story. No bending or folding--that would defeat the purpose. My husband could hear me two rooms away and rushed to the bathroom door in concern over all the yelping coming from the other side. No amount of convenience is worth that kind of pain and discomfort. Of course, women come in all different sizes, and these cups work just fine for many of them. I've always been of the aforementioned tight-n-tiny variety and I haven't popped any kids out, either. But the makers of the Moon Cup are so confident in their product that they give you 3 months to check it out, and if you just can't hack it, they'll give you a full refund. Nifty!
My other new experiment were the GladRags. Reusable pads sound too icky for you? Do yourself a huge fave and get over it. I adore mine. They're soft and pretty (I got the the pink ones with dots) and just plain make me feel good. After the ouchy-cup debacle, I was a bit sore and decided to forgo putting anything else inside me for a while. The cool thing about these pads is that they come with two inserts, so you can use one, two, or even three according to your flow. I realized that I was very out of touch with mine, as I'd been using cups for so many years, and only used one insert. Oops. But I was okay with it. There was something about letting myself bleed, and bleeding on fabric that was incredibly freeing. I felt so in touch with my body and my flow, and it felt so good not to be throwing anything away. There's something very fem-zen-ist about taking the time to soak your pads, see your blood, watching the water in the sink turn red... pretty swirls of red in the sink in celebration of V-Day... feeling yourself bleed, letting it flow naturally rather than holding it in until it fits into your very unnatural schedule. In case you couldn't tell, I've also been feeling compelled to live more naturally, in touch with my body, the earth...
I currently have 3 day pads with a total of six inserts. I'm planning to get myself 3 more holders, maybe 2 more inserts. I like using the holders by themselves as pantyliners, as my experience so far with the pantyliners is that they tend to slide back, although after a year of saying I need to do it, I'm actually going to buy myself some new underwear, which may remedy the situation. I'll update next month. I've also decided to try sea sponge tampons. I've thought about it enough that I think I'm over my original aversion to putting a sea creature in my vag. And after the cup fiasco and my love of all things naturale, I've decided I don't really want to put plastic inside me anymore. As Inga points out, these little creatures once lived in the ocean which, like our blood, is rule by the moon. It sounds pretty cool to me.
Stay tuned for more Adventures in Bleeding! Next month's episode: The Spring Sponge Spectacular!
But let's back up: Several years ago I read Cunt and was mesmerized by just about everything in it, and was specifically affected by the chapter entitled Blood and Cunts. I took to heart the idea of getting my body and my cycle in sync with the moon, and I'm happy to report that I now bleed with the new moon, like clockwork. Other gems were tucked away in the back of mind. Many months these thoughts would pop up, I'd ponder them for a few moments, and tuck them back away, because this month certainly can't be the month... maybe in a few months I'll have the time...
For years now I've been using Instead softcups. They're technically disposable, claiming you need to pitch it and start clean every time you take it out. But I knew there were other cups out there that could be used over and over again, so I split the diff. I would use one cup for one period, washing it thoroughly with soap and water before using again, and when my period was over I'd throw it away. I'd used it for years and was pretty satisfied. I had gotten to know it so well that I figured out little tricks like bearing down on the john so it would dump itself without needing to be removed. Pretty cool, huh? I was still, however, using disposable pantyliners, as these cups are prone to leakage, (if bearing down can dump it, sneezing and coughing understandably pose a problem at times) and a pad or two at the beginning and end of my period. Not a lot of waste, but too much for my taste. I had gotten so comfortable using the softcups that I figured it was time to bite the bullet and get the kind that I could use for a decade or longer.
Enter the Moon Cup. Having a latex allergy, the Moon Cup was the logical choice as it's made of medical grade silicone. It's otherwise identical to the Keeper, a cup I've known friends of mine to use and love. Its shape is obviously different than the type of cup I was accustomed to using, but I figured I'd get the hang of it. Uh... no. It was much more difficult to insert than I thought it would be. Lots of people say it's tricky the first few months, but that you eventually get the hang of it. Okay, I can deal. It took a couple of cycles for me to get the hang of the softcups, too. But the real problem came for me upon removable. As difficult as it was to get in, it was twice as hard to take out. If your vag is of the tight-n-tiny variety, beware! The cups twist and bend and fold to go in, but coming out is another story. No bending or folding--that would defeat the purpose. My husband could hear me two rooms away and rushed to the bathroom door in concern over all the yelping coming from the other side. No amount of convenience is worth that kind of pain and discomfort. Of course, women come in all different sizes, and these cups work just fine for many of them. I've always been of the aforementioned tight-n-tiny variety and I haven't popped any kids out, either. But the makers of the Moon Cup are so confident in their product that they give you 3 months to check it out, and if you just can't hack it, they'll give you a full refund. Nifty!
My other new experiment were the GladRags. Reusable pads sound too icky for you? Do yourself a huge fave and get over it. I adore mine. They're soft and pretty (I got the the pink ones with dots) and just plain make me feel good. After the ouchy-cup debacle, I was a bit sore and decided to forgo putting anything else inside me for a while. The cool thing about these pads is that they come with two inserts, so you can use one, two, or even three according to your flow. I realized that I was very out of touch with mine, as I'd been using cups for so many years, and only used one insert. Oops. But I was okay with it. There was something about letting myself bleed, and bleeding on fabric that was incredibly freeing. I felt so in touch with my body and my flow, and it felt so good not to be throwing anything away. There's something very fem-zen-ist about taking the time to soak your pads, see your blood, watching the water in the sink turn red... pretty swirls of red in the sink in celebration of V-Day... feeling yourself bleed, letting it flow naturally rather than holding it in until it fits into your very unnatural schedule. In case you couldn't tell, I've also been feeling compelled to live more naturally, in touch with my body, the earth...
I currently have 3 day pads with a total of six inserts. I'm planning to get myself 3 more holders, maybe 2 more inserts. I like using the holders by themselves as pantyliners, as my experience so far with the pantyliners is that they tend to slide back, although after a year of saying I need to do it, I'm actually going to buy myself some new underwear, which may remedy the situation. I'll update next month. I've also decided to try sea sponge tampons. I've thought about it enough that I think I'm over my original aversion to putting a sea creature in my vag. And after the cup fiasco and my love of all things naturale, I've decided I don't really want to put plastic inside me anymore. As Inga points out, these little creatures once lived in the ocean which, like our blood, is rule by the moon. It sounds pretty cool to me.
Stay tuned for more Adventures in Bleeding! Next month's episode: The Spring Sponge Spectacular!
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Goddess Consciousness
The following is a homily--short sermon--I wrote and delivered to my spiritual community, TLC, a couple of weeks ago...
We’ve spent the past couple of weeks attempting to tear down our image of God, to remove any preconceived notions, wipe the slate clean. Opening ourselves to any and all possibilities. Today we’re drawing a new image on that slate. Today you are being challenged to allow Goddess into your consciousness, to begin to embrace Her into your heart and mind and awareness of the Divine in a way that will begin to empower us all, and begin to bring balance to our inner selves, as well as our world.
We have lived our entire lives—as did our parents and grandparents and cultural ancestors for thousands of years—with a male God. A God that is “Master,” “King,” “Father,” “Lord,” “He.” Whether raised Christian or not, we live in a culture with a God made in the image and likeness of one half of humanity. We’ve been lied to for so long about the nature of God, and it’s hurt all of us—men as well as women. We’ve been told that God is one set of characteristics, one gender. Women have been left without an image of God that we can relate to. We’ve been denied our basic equality and humanity for thousands of years. We’ve been told that our qualities and characteristics are somehow less desirable than men’s, because men, after all, are the ones truly created in the image of the Divine. While it would be easy for many to simply bypass Goddess in this journey toward greater understanding of God, in favor of an all-encompassing, ‘God is too big and too great and beyond all labels’ kind of view, I don’t believe we can move to that place in an authentic or truly balanced way without giving Goddess at least a moment of her due. What she has to offer us is too great and important for us to overlook.
We’ve been living in a culture with religions steeped in patriarchal dualism. Patriarchal dualism refers to a dualistic philosophy that orders the world into antagonistic opposites—Male & Female, Reason & Intuition, Culture & Nature, Body & Mind. Dualism is a very simple, yet powerful strategy for making sense of a complex reality. Instead of a confusing & disturbing Universe of infinite shades, we simplify everything into black & white. Reality is divided into Good & Evil, Us & Them, Masculine & Feminine, and so on.*
What happens with these kinds of dualities is that we end up with a self/other split. In every case one half of the pair is identified with the self, & treated as superior, while the other half becomes the 'other', & therefore inferior, unknown & suspect. When we split the world into Nature & Culture, Body & Mind, Intuition & Reason, it is the natural, physical & intuitive world—and the female body and person—that is downgraded, rejected as other, as 'not me'. This deep-seated belief system underpins the monoculture that preaches one Truth, one God, & one 'True Way'. It teaches us that the sacred is elsewhere in a life beyond the illusionary & evil physicality of this world.”*
If we are created in God’s image and God is a man, whose image was I created in? Goddess gives women a Divine identity, an image of ourselves made in Her likeness. All of the things that we equate with womanhood and femininity that have been discredited for so long become divine gifts. Starhawk calls the Goddess “the symbol of the inmost self, and the beneficent, nurturing, liberating power within woman…The cosmos is modeled after [our female bodies, which are] sacred… Through Her, we can know the power of our anger and aggression, as well as the power of our love.” All of the things we have been told we cannot be as women, we discover we certainly can be, because she is all of them, and we are made in her image.
Now, patriarchal dualism hasn’t been so great for men either. It has kept men from having truly authentic relationships with women. It has put them in a position of power-over that, while it may seem to make some happy, does not lead to real joy and spiritual fulfillment. And it hasn’t allowed men to access those characteristics and qualities in themselves that do not fit the stereotype of the masculine, dominant, powerful god-image we’ve been given. Men, too, have been limited to only certain characteristics for far too long. Goddess for men is the embodiment of all the things society tells you you’re not allowed to be or recognize in yourself. She can help you become more whole and aware of your hidden female self. Because we are all made in the likeness of Goddess, we all have the capacity for power and peace, destruction and creation, disciplining and nurturing.
Goddess Consciousness isn’t a mere a turning of the tables, keeping the established dualism and simply elevating the flip side. Female over male, intuition over reason, nature over culture.
“Goddess Consciousness emerges from the process of building a relationship with the ecstatic mystical experience, & integrating that into everyday life.”* When we allow Goddess into our consciousness, we begin to break free from the dualisms that have been imposed on us by patriarchal societies and religions. We begin to relate to the Divine in a more visceral way, seeing her everywhere and in all things. The earth is Her flesh, the rivers Her blood, the air Her breath… and we her beloved children, Her creation. She is our Mother, our Sister, our Lover. She is all things.
The ground of the sacred is here and now. She is not out there somewhere, she is here. She is present in every moment. “The Goddess is manifest in the food we eat, the people we love, the work we do, the homes in which we live.” Starhawk says “The law of the Goddess is love: passionate sexual love, the warm affection of friends, the fierce protective love of mother for child, the deep comradeship of [sacred spiritual community]. There is nothing amorphous or superficial about love in Goddess religion; it is always specific, directed toward real individuals, not vague concepts of humanity. Love includes animals, plants, the earth itself—‘all beings,’ not just human beings. It includes ourselves and all our fallible human qualities.” She says, “Any act based on love and pleasure is a ritual of the Goddess.”
I challenge every one of us to let Her into our minds, our hearts, our senses. Let us expand our understanding of the Divine to allow for our Holy Mother, Divine Lover, Cosmic Birther, Sacred Sister Spirit to empower us, and love us. May she comfort us and sustain us. And may we begin to see Her and love Her in all, treating every person, every animal, every field and flower, as a divine manifestation of Her being.
*http://www.thegreenfuse.org/harris/ses.htm
Starhawk references from 'The Spiral Dance.'
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Happy Turkey Day?
Sometimes it's overwhelming, having your consciousness raised, being aware of the despicable atrocities suffered by non-human animals at the hands of human animals--all in the name of tradition and satisfying our palates. Ironically, it's during the holiday season, a time of joy and supposed tidings of peace that living with this consciousness is most painful. We are bombarded with images of dead turkeys everywhere we look, and often on the tables of our family gatherings. It's become acceptable these days to say "Happy Turkey Day" instead of "Happy Thanksgiving." Someone actually wished me a "Happy Turkey Day" today and I nearly choked on my response. I know I once participated unawares, but it's so difficult for me now as I recognize the inconsistency of gathering in a spirit of joy and gratitude and celebration, all while tearing apart the flesh of a being whose life was cut short in a vicious act of murder for the sake of tradition.
Vegetarians and vegans often dread the impending holidays, rather than wait in joyful anticipation. As if dead animal flesh wasn't all around us in TV commercials and on billboards and at the stores where we shop and in our co-workers lunches already, we now have to deal with having dead turkeys shoved down our metaphorical throats. I recently had a friend send me the following text message: "Am feeling dead turkey overwhelm! May have to go into hiding til January!" Another broke down in tears having been put on turkey-stocking duty at his otherwise enjoyable job at the grocery store where he works. "They're just packed in boxes and thrown around like they're nothing... but they're not nothing," he said.
Few family gatherings don't involve a dead bird as the centerpiece of their holiday celebration. Vegetarians and vegans are forced to make very difficult choices this time of year. Some choose to gather with their families and eat whatever is available without flesh or secretions, or bring some of their own food, living with the discomfort and, for some, emotional pain and trauma of sitting at a table with a carcass as centerpiece. Others choose to forgo the family meal and gather with family after dinner or not at all. Still others decide to take on the job of hosting and preparing the holiday meal for their families to ensure that it meets their standards of compassion and non-violence. I count my blessings that my family doesn't gather for Thanksgiving and my husband's family is going out of town this year. Christmas is another story, but we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.
Saturday night, some friends of ours hosted a vegan Thanksgiving potluck dinner at their yoga center. That was my family Thanksgiving. I am grateful I could gather with friends and meet new like-minded people. The serenity and gratification of gathering around delicious plant-based foods, knowing that all of it was thoughtfully prepared by people who truly strive to embody compassion, peace and a life of non-violence, is almost indescribable.
I love my family of origin and my friends, but it's not my job to make them feel good about their choices. I have made the decision to decline any dinner invitations--from family or friends--that involve dead animals as the centerpiece, whether that be turkeys, pigs, chickens or otherwise. We all have to draw the line somewhere, and that is my line. I cannot make their choices for them. I also cannot pretend to be unaffected by their choices. It is painful for me to be exposed to these practices, and so I must choose not to participate. Last year at Christmas I did ask my sister to basically hide the meat she felt she needed to prepare in a dish, rather than make a centerpiece of a carcass, and she did accommodate. I have many friends who are still animal eaters who at least have the courtesy to make our communal meals vegetarian--and often vegan--for the comfort of all. They understand that when the food is plant-based, everyone may enjoy it and feel at ease. These people are very much my family.
It can be difficult to find our voice, speak our truth, and care for our own needs when we are so outnumbered and marginalized. I am curious how others navigate the oblivious world around them, especially during this time of year. Where do you draw the line? Has that changed for you over the years? What are your holiday survival strategies? I welcome your responses...
Vegetarians and vegans often dread the impending holidays, rather than wait in joyful anticipation. As if dead animal flesh wasn't all around us in TV commercials and on billboards and at the stores where we shop and in our co-workers lunches already, we now have to deal with having dead turkeys shoved down our metaphorical throats. I recently had a friend send me the following text message: "Am feeling dead turkey overwhelm! May have to go into hiding til January!" Another broke down in tears having been put on turkey-stocking duty at his otherwise enjoyable job at the grocery store where he works. "They're just packed in boxes and thrown around like they're nothing... but they're not nothing," he said.
Few family gatherings don't involve a dead bird as the centerpiece of their holiday celebration. Vegetarians and vegans are forced to make very difficult choices this time of year. Some choose to gather with their families and eat whatever is available without flesh or secretions, or bring some of their own food, living with the discomfort and, for some, emotional pain and trauma of sitting at a table with a carcass as centerpiece. Others choose to forgo the family meal and gather with family after dinner or not at all. Still others decide to take on the job of hosting and preparing the holiday meal for their families to ensure that it meets their standards of compassion and non-violence. I count my blessings that my family doesn't gather for Thanksgiving and my husband's family is going out of town this year. Christmas is another story, but we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.
Saturday night, some friends of ours hosted a vegan Thanksgiving potluck dinner at their yoga center. That was my family Thanksgiving. I am grateful I could gather with friends and meet new like-minded people. The serenity and gratification of gathering around delicious plant-based foods, knowing that all of it was thoughtfully prepared by people who truly strive to embody compassion, peace and a life of non-violence, is almost indescribable.
I love my family of origin and my friends, but it's not my job to make them feel good about their choices. I have made the decision to decline any dinner invitations--from family or friends--that involve dead animals as the centerpiece, whether that be turkeys, pigs, chickens or otherwise. We all have to draw the line somewhere, and that is my line. I cannot make their choices for them. I also cannot pretend to be unaffected by their choices. It is painful for me to be exposed to these practices, and so I must choose not to participate. Last year at Christmas I did ask my sister to basically hide the meat she felt she needed to prepare in a dish, rather than make a centerpiece of a carcass, and she did accommodate. I have many friends who are still animal eaters who at least have the courtesy to make our communal meals vegetarian--and often vegan--for the comfort of all. They understand that when the food is plant-based, everyone may enjoy it and feel at ease. These people are very much my family.
It can be difficult to find our voice, speak our truth, and care for our own needs when we are so outnumbered and marginalized. I am curious how others navigate the oblivious world around them, especially during this time of year. Where do you draw the line? Has that changed for you over the years? What are your holiday survival strategies? I welcome your responses...
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Biphobia
Even though I have been with my chosen partner for almost 4 and a half years now, there are still people who feel the need to attack my sexuality when given the opportunity. This is because I happened to fall in love with a man during a time in my life when I was identifying as a lesbian. At that time in my life, I truly felt only attracted to women and saw myself being partnered with a woman. It was rather shocking to fall in love with my guy. But some of us do not have the luxury of a sexual orientation/identity that fits neatly into one of society's 'either-or' boxes. It took me a long time to accept that, even for myself. We live in such a deeply biphobic society that my own biphobia was deeply internalized and something I still struggled with into my marriage.
Below is a great informational piece I found on biphobia from the Bisexual Resource Center. I've posted the whole thing, but please make special note of the Examples of Biphobia. I cannot tell you how many of these assumptions have been made about me and others I know who do not fall neatly into the hetero or homo categorizations. Ask yourself how many of these assumptions you harbor. Challenge your own biphobia. Be a better person. I know I'm giving it a shot.
What is Biphobia?
Biphobia
The fear, hatred or intolerance of bisexual men and women by heterosexuals, gay men, and lesbians, or by bisexuals themselves (internalized biphobia).
Bisexual Relationships
Bisexuals, like all people, have a wide variety of relationship styles. Contrary to common myth, a bisexual person does not need to be sexually involved with both a man and a woman simultaneously. In fact, some people who identify as bisexual never engage in sexual activity with one or the other (or either) gender. As is the case for heterosexuals and gay men and lesbians, attraction does not involve acting on every desire. Like many heterosexuals and gay people, many bisexuals choose to be sexually active with one partner only and have long-tem, monogamous relationships. It is important to have the freedom to choose the type of sexual and emotional relationships that are right for the people involved whatever their sexual orientation.
Bisexuals and AIDS
AIDS has had a major effect on the bisexual community. Bisexual men are often scapegoated as the agents of transmission of AIDS from the gay to the heterosexual population, and bisexual women may be scapegoated as transmitters of AIDS to lesbians. However, it is behavior, rather than sexual orientation, that puts people at risk for acquiring the virus that causes AIDS. Activities that involve the exchange of bodily fluids, notably semen, blood, and vaginal fluid, are dangerous. Bisexuals, as well as homosexuals and heterosexuals, must educate themselves about safer sex practices, such as the use of condoms and dental dams. Safer sex guidelines can be obtained from health centers and AIDS education and action groups. Bisexuals are joining with gay people and other affected groups in all effort to fight AIDS by calling for an increase in research and education, better treatments, and an end to discrimination against people with AIDS and those perceived to be at risk for AIDS.
Examples of Biphobia:
• Assuming that everyone you meet is either heterosexual or lesbian/gay .
• Assuming that bisexuals are confused or indecisive about their sexuality.
• Assuming that bisexuals are promiscuous or cannot live monogamously.
• Assuming that bisexuals are attracted to everyone. Assuming that people who identify as bisexual are "really" lesbian or gay, but are in denial.
• Assuming that bisexuals, if given the choice, would prefer to be with someone of a different gender than themselves to gain some of the privileges of being perceived as heterosexual.
• Believing that people who are bisexual spread HIV/AIDS.
• Automatically assuming that two women together are lesbians, that two men together are gay, or that a man and a woman together are heterosexual.
• Not wanting to date someone who is bisexual because you assume that the person will eventually leave you for someone of another gender.
• Thinking of people who are bisexual only in terms of their sexuality, rather than as whole, complex persons.
Adapted from the Bisexual Resource Center (1998)
Below is a great informational piece I found on biphobia from the Bisexual Resource Center. I've posted the whole thing, but please make special note of the Examples of Biphobia. I cannot tell you how many of these assumptions have been made about me and others I know who do not fall neatly into the hetero or homo categorizations. Ask yourself how many of these assumptions you harbor. Challenge your own biphobia. Be a better person. I know I'm giving it a shot.
What is Biphobia?
Biphobia
The fear, hatred or intolerance of bisexual men and women by heterosexuals, gay men, and lesbians, or by bisexuals themselves (internalized biphobia).
Bisexual Relationships
Bisexuals, like all people, have a wide variety of relationship styles. Contrary to common myth, a bisexual person does not need to be sexually involved with both a man and a woman simultaneously. In fact, some people who identify as bisexual never engage in sexual activity with one or the other (or either) gender. As is the case for heterosexuals and gay men and lesbians, attraction does not involve acting on every desire. Like many heterosexuals and gay people, many bisexuals choose to be sexually active with one partner only and have long-tem, monogamous relationships. It is important to have the freedom to choose the type of sexual and emotional relationships that are right for the people involved whatever their sexual orientation.
Bisexuals and AIDS
AIDS has had a major effect on the bisexual community. Bisexual men are often scapegoated as the agents of transmission of AIDS from the gay to the heterosexual population, and bisexual women may be scapegoated as transmitters of AIDS to lesbians. However, it is behavior, rather than sexual orientation, that puts people at risk for acquiring the virus that causes AIDS. Activities that involve the exchange of bodily fluids, notably semen, blood, and vaginal fluid, are dangerous. Bisexuals, as well as homosexuals and heterosexuals, must educate themselves about safer sex practices, such as the use of condoms and dental dams. Safer sex guidelines can be obtained from health centers and AIDS education and action groups. Bisexuals are joining with gay people and other affected groups in all effort to fight AIDS by calling for an increase in research and education, better treatments, and an end to discrimination against people with AIDS and those perceived to be at risk for AIDS.
Examples of Biphobia:
• Assuming that everyone you meet is either heterosexual or lesbian/gay .
• Assuming that bisexuals are confused or indecisive about their sexuality.
• Assuming that bisexuals are promiscuous or cannot live monogamously.
• Assuming that bisexuals are attracted to everyone. Assuming that people who identify as bisexual are "really" lesbian or gay, but are in denial.
• Assuming that bisexuals, if given the choice, would prefer to be with someone of a different gender than themselves to gain some of the privileges of being perceived as heterosexual.
• Believing that people who are bisexual spread HIV/AIDS.
• Automatically assuming that two women together are lesbians, that two men together are gay, or that a man and a woman together are heterosexual.
• Not wanting to date someone who is bisexual because you assume that the person will eventually leave you for someone of another gender.
• Thinking of people who are bisexual only in terms of their sexuality, rather than as whole, complex persons.
Adapted from the Bisexual Resource Center (1998)
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